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10 Things HR Won’t Tell You About Your Resume

So I’ve got a friend who’s deep on the hunt for a new job. So when I came across this article, I had to share it. It’s pretty frustrating that this is the insider knowledge, because a lot of these things are beyond our control! But here it is, it’s better to be in the know than outside wondering!

Condensed from Reader’s Digest Magazine, April 2011

Use key words and not colored paper — plus other resume tips from potential employers.

1. “Once you’re unemployed more than six months, you’re considered pretty much unemployable. We assume that other people have already passed you over, so we don’t want anything to do with you.”

 Cynthia Shapiro, former human resources executive and author of ‘Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know’

2. “When it comes to getting a job, who you know really does matter. No matter how nice yourresume is or how great your experience may be, it’s all about connections.”

– HR director at a health-care facility

3. “If you’re trying to get a job at a specific company, often the best thing to do is to avoid HR entirely. Find someone at the company you know, or go straight to the hiring manager.”

 Shauna Moerke, an HR administrator in Alabama who blogs at hrminion.com

4. “People assume someone’s reading their cover letter. I haven’t read one in 11 years.”

 HR director at a financial services firm

5. “We will judge you based on your e-mail address. Especially if it’s something inappropriate like kinkyboots101@hotmail.com or johnnylikestodrink@gmail.com.”

– Rich DeMatteo, a recruiting consultant in Philadelphia

6. “If you’re in your 50s or 60s, don’t put the year you graduated on your resume.”

 HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina

7. “There’s a myth out there that a resume has to be one page. So people send their resume in a two-point font. Nobody is going to read that.”

 HR director at a financial services firm

8. “I always read resumes from the bottom up. And I have no problem with a two-page resume, but three pages is pushing it.”

 Sharlyn Lauby, HR consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

9. “Most of us use applicant-tracking systems that scan resumes for key words. The secret to getting your resume through the system is to pull key words directly from the job description and put them on. The more matches you have, the more likely your resume will get picked and actually seen by a real person.”

 Chris Ferdinandi, HR professional in the Boston area

10. “Resumes don’t need color to stand out. When I see a little color, I smirk. And when I see a ton of color, I cringe. And walking in and dropping off your resume is no longer seen as a good thing. It’s actually a little creepy.”

 Rich DeMatteo

 
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Posted by on May 13, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

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ProGlide Razor Commercial feat. FAMU

Wow! This is so official and adorable! I am constantly more and more proud to be a Rattler! 

 
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Posted by on May 6, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

May The 4th Be With You

So I’m a huge nerd. That goes without saying. May the 4th be with you.

Here’s what Wikipedia has to say about Star Wars/Luke Skywalker Day:

This day is considered an unofficial holiday by Star Wars fans to celebrate Star Wars culture and remember the films.

May 4 is called Star Wars Day (also sometimes known as Luke Skywalker Day) because of the popularity of a common pun spoken on this day. Since the phrase “May the Force be with you” is a famous quote often spoken in the Star Wars films, fans commonly say “May the fourth be with you” on this day.

Despite efforts to start[5] a Jediism Church with May 4 as its Star Wars Day, and despite the Catholic origin of the phrase, as of 4 May 2010there is no religion-supporting organization that promotes May 4 as Star Wars Day apart from the Church of Jediism.

The joke has been recorded in the UK parliament‘s Hansard.

In 2005 German news TV channel N24 interviewed George Lucas and asked him to say his famous sentence, “May the Force be with you.” The translator simultaneously translated to German: “Am 4. Mai sind wir bei Ihnen”. (We shall be with you on May 4). This was captured by comedy show TV Total and aired on May 18, 2005. However, the “May the 4th be with you” joke was already a known yearly joke to many before 2005.

 
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Posted by on May 4, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

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Osama Bin Laden Killed – Announced During Celebrity Apprentice

So as we all have heard (or not, if you were living under a rock like Bin Laden), Osama Bin Laden is dead and his body is in U.S. custody. This, compounded with President Barack Obama delivering this message DURING Celebrity Apprentice, shortly after his impromptu “roast” of Donald Trump puts Obama in a category I like to call, winning. Granted, winning [including such phrases as bi-winning, tiger blood, adonis dna, etc] is quickly passing through its maturity stage and ideally will be “dead” soon, but some phrases really just mark a scenario. This is one of those instances.

Twitter definitely noticed this double whammy as well:

@jimmyfallon: Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.

@katespencer: President Obama’s address is interrupting Celebrity Apprentice. Well played.

@Ranity: President Obama to Donald Trump and everyone who watches Celebrity Apprentice “All y’all bitches is my sons”.

Here’s more from CNN about Osama Bin Laden’s death:

DNA matching is under way on samples from the body of slain terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden, a U.S. government official told CNN on Monday. There are photographs of the body with a gunshot wound to the side of the head that shows an individual who is not unrecognizable as bin Laden, the official said. No decision has yet been made on whether to release the photographs and if so, when and how.

The mastermind of the worst terrorist attacks on American soil was killed by U.S. forces Monday in a mansion in Abbottabad, about 50 kilometers (31 miles) north of the Pakistani capital of Islamabad, U.S. officials said. Four others in the compound also were killed. One of them was bin Laden’s adult son, and another was a woman being used as a shield by a male combatant, the officials said. Bin Laden’s body was later buried at sea, an official said. Many Muslims adhere to the belief that bodies should be buried within one day. The official did not release additional details about the burial, but said it was handled in keeping with Muslim customs. The death of the founder and leader of al Qaeda comes almost 10 years after the September 11, 2001, attacks that killed about 3,000 people.

In an address to the nation last night, U.S. President Barack Obama called bin Laden’s death “the most significant achievement to date in our nation’s effort to defeat al Qaeda.” Washington is nine hours behind Pakistan. “Today, at my direction, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan,” Obama said. “A small team of Americans carried out the operation with extraordinary courage and capability. No Americans were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a firefight, they killed Osama bin Laden and took custody of his body.” A congressional source familiar with the operation said bin Laden was shot in the head. The killing of bin Laden was the culmination of years of intelligence work and months of following a specific lead, senior U.S. administration officials said.

The key break involved one of the few couriers trusted by bin Laden, according to the officials. About two years ago, intelligence work identified where the courier and his brother lived and operated in Pakistan, and it took until August to find the compound in Abbottabad that was raided, they said. According to the senior administration officials, intelligence work determined at the beginning of 2011 that bin Laden might be located at the compound. [Read More at CNN.com]

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

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Congratulations William and Kate!

Congratulations to the new Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William and Kate! I think we have to call her Catherine now though. Wonder how she feels about that?

 
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Posted by on April 29, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

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Who Wants a Petite Lap Giraffe?? Me!!!

I don’t know about you, but because of the amazing Direct TV commercials (who even knows they’re for Direct TV? I didn’t.) everyone wants to either be this guy,

or get a Petite Lap Giraffe! Well now you can, they have their own website! Meet Raina, a Petite Lap Giraffe from the Sokoblovsky Farms! She is one of three at the farm and you can learn all about them on their website!

About Sokoblovsky Farms:

Petite Lap Giraffes are very funny animal that require special care. They need lots of love. Hugs and kisses every day. Otherwise they make tears.

If you have children, petite lap giraffes no problem. If child is loud, the giraffe will be shy, but does not bite. PLG’s are very clean. With training they will go in box like cats. Allergies never a problem.

Size: adult is 76 centimeters, baby is 15 centimeters tall. Weight is 4.5kg unless the giraffe is fat cow then 5.44kg

Diet: distilled water and bonsai tree leaves

Health problems: none. They are the best.

Gestation: 420 days

Living conditions: PLG’s love being indoors in filtered air conditioning. If they can listen to music of Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov it is dream.

Grooming: a bubble bath once a week with purified water is all they need.

Check out more, including a live camera feed of the Giraffe’s holding pen!

http://www.petitelapgiraffe.com

(I really hope you know this is a master ploy by DirectTV to get your business)

 
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Posted by on April 15, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

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Stare At The Bottle For Thirty Seconds

 

Surprised cleaning products and other acne products haven’t thought of this sooner! Kudos!

 
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Posted by on April 5, 2011 in Life Disconnected

 

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